Wednesday, March 17, 2010

An Unsent Letter

While spending time with a friend the other day, we were talking about writing and she turned me on to this site called Unsent Letters. The site is full of letters people have written to various individuals. (Their future selves, pets, unborn children, dead relatives, etc.) Some of the letters were serious, some were sad, and others so silly they made me laugh so hard tears started falling from my eyes.

This idea about writing unsent letters struck a chord with me and I decided that I have a few letters that I wish to write myself (see my first letter below). I encourage all of you to post an unsent letter of your own. It doesn’t have to be titled to a certain individual, but just writing it down can be very therapeutic!

Dear Life Giver,

I have never seen your face, heard your voice, know where you live, or really
anything about you. However, I can say that even though I know nothing about you, I love you and owe you everything.

Throughout the twenty years of my life I have felt many different feelings towards you. Anger and confusion popped into my head during my younger years for not fully understanding how you could let me out of your life. I would often wonder if you lied about yourself during the process to ease the pain of letting me go, or if you ever looked back at me as I lay in the incubator minutes old, wanting for just a split second to reconsider your decision about sending your baby girl half a world away.

I want to know if you dream to know what I look like, like I have dreamed about you; if, every year on my birthday you think about how much I have grown and the person I am now. Do you have a picture of me or am I merely a distant memory? I desire to know the answers about how you came to your decision about giving me up or how you envisioned my future.

But, whatever the dreams and visions are of me are and whatever reason made you decided to relinquish your parental rights, I want to personally thank you from the bottom of my heart.

My life is what any adoptive child could ever hope for. My family is amazing, supportive, and most of all, loving. Yes, at times we argue, bump heads, and I have been known in my younger years to scream “I wish I never was adopted into this family!” (Oh what a brat I could be and the tantrums I could throw!) But I would not change this family for anything.

I want to especially thank you for not being selfish. I think about my life and I don’t know if I possess the strength or courage to let my future children go. But you did it with grace, strength, and hope. You had no idea where in the United States I would end up, and lived with the idea that you would never see me or know anything about me.

As I am faced with all of these new obstacles in my life, I have realized that everything happens for a reason. I believe one of the reasons why God chose me to be adopted is to be able to overcome this part of my life. He had my whole life mapped out in His hands: He knew you held the power to give me away, that my new country has the resources to help me deal with my cancer, and that my family possesses the strength, support, and love I would need throughout my difficult times.

For those reasons alone, I thank you.

I think about you daily and hope that you know your decision to give me up was the best decision you could have ever made.

Photo Credit: Pregnant Belly by merlijn72


  1. Katie,
    I am and adoptive mother. I think this is beautifully said. I have asked my daughter a few times over the year, if she ever wants to know more about her birth mother or ever meet her. I have no issue with that and will be supportive if she ever does. She said that she would like to someday just to see what she is like and meet her for a few days. I think it is much healthier for a child to know they are adopted and what a blessing it is for the adopting mother than to treat to like it used to be treated in previous times, as something to be be secretive about. It is a different kind of miracle for all involved. Stephanna knows why she was put up for adoption and has no problems understanding the harshness of the reality that made it necessary at the time in Russia and how blessed she is in so many ways, as am I in having her as my precious child. Obviously your family has done a good job raising and loving you and you have found inner and outer strength of your own. That speaks highly of both you and your family. I think your birth mother would be very happy to know the adult you have grown into and the courage you have. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. Katie:
    I hate to hear this about your friends. Yes, the twenties can be a very selfish time as well as an immature time. I'm sure a lot has to do with them not feeling like they can do anything for you or feeling like they don't know what to say. All of this is very common. What they don't understand is that you don't need them to tell you things, or do things. You simply just want them around. At least that's how I felt when I handled crisis.

    Btw, my name is Trisha! I'll be more than happy to be your friend. Love ya!

  3. I cannot have biologicial children, and I hope one day to adopt. Yes, your mother was a very courageous and selfless person to do what was best for you. I know it's still hard My mother passed when I was 19, so growing up without one has been difficult at best.

    You have an amazing attitude about your mother. You will continue to be blessed by that positive attitude.
    My best - Trisha

  4. Katie -
    Your letter to your birth mom is beutiful! The part where you wondered whether she had second thoughts when you were minutes old was so touching! That must have been unbelievably hard for her. I love the way you admire her for letting you go so you could have a better life. And I love the way you trust that God was planning to take care of you with your cancer. I know your birth mom must think of you often, especially on your birthdays. What a joy it will be to embrace her someday in heaven!
    Luv, your sister-in-law